Updated: Dec 13, 2019
Have you ever allowed things to disturb your inner being so bad that your stomach hurt? That was me. I would literally get sick because I was so upset. I allowed the smallest and most insignificant things disturb the peace I had. I was the child that held things in and would explode when I had reached my breaking point. I remember being in college and someone spilled a drink on me and I flipped. I mean I went off to the point that everyone in the dining hall could hear it. Now that I think about it, it was really embarrassing and so unnecessary. I know that it was partly because I had become this angry person due to some of the things I had experienced growing up but also because I had not yet mastered peace.
By my late 20’s, I had realized that I suffered from anxiety and stress. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer the first time, the doctor told me that I had to eliminate stress from my life because stress causes growth. From that moment on, I was determined to live a life of peace. However, it wasn’t that easy! I was a teacher, a coach and a single mother. All jobs that brought on great stress. Not only that but I was broken from the pains of my past so where was peace going to live? I didn’t have room for peace because I was holding on to too many other things that broke me. I knew I had to let these things go in order to get to the place of peace that I had so desired to be in. It wasn’t easy and it took me a good 3 years after my initial diagnosis to evolve to the place where I decided that my peace was more important than my pain. However, when I made that decision, I didn’t look back. I began to work on my wholeness. Part of that journey led me to read two books, Sara Jakes Roberts “Don’t Settle for Safe” and Touré Roberts “Wholeness”. In addition, I had to make the decision to stop doing what I had loved and that was teaching and coaching. It was taking a toll on my body and it was just something I could no longer do. The decision alone caused me anxiety and stress. Retirement at the age of 36, who would have ever imagined? Not me! But my health and my peace became a priority to me.
Peace is defined as a state of being free from disturbance. With reading the two books, I was well on my way to grasping peace. I had always been one to look for “closure” but what I had learned is that closure is more about addressing the anger and hurt I was carrying instead of looking to the other person for answers. Once I had realized that, my journey became easier. My journey to wholeness was making room for the peace I so desired. It took a lot of work and I shed a lot of tears but I was determined to live a life of peace.
I’m now at a place in my life where my peace can’t be disturbed, and Lord knows there have being challenges! I just can’t afford to allow it. I love how I feel with this mastered peace. Don’t get me wrong, every now and again I might allow something or someone to crack that door open but then I remember who I am and where God is taking me. I can’t be that same girl, I must be the woman that God has called me to be. The woman who calls on God’s peace that surpasses all understanding when the winds begin to blow. The woman that ignores and avoids the drama because she is no longer that broken girl. The woman that has EVOLVED to the place where she prays for the peace of the ones who may try to disturb hers. I’m not perfect but I know that PEACE is POWER and I enjoy having it. If you’re feeling broken and are trying to master peace, I would recommend the two books above. They both changed my life and aided me in obtaining the peace I desired to have.
Evolve with me!