In the last 6 years, I've experienced some major changes in my life and within myself. From being diagnosed with breast cancer twice to losing the relationship I thought was forever. Initially, I was really resistant to the changes. I wanted things to stay the same because it is where I was comfortable and where I thought I was happy. When I began to do some self reflection, God revealed the person I had become and it wasn’t pretty. The pains of my past were holding me hostage. As hard as I tried to let it go, I was still holding on to everything and everyone that had ever hurt me, including God. God had been telling me to let go of this pain for years but I just couldn’t. I had become my own worst enemy and didn’t even realize it. I was holding myself back and blocking my blessings because of what I wouldn’t let go of. It is often anger and fear that keeps us stuck in the past or in places that we no longer need to be. Anger and fear are diseases that if allowed to take over, they will disable you to the point of paralyzing you. I had to stop allowing for those two things to be a part of my life, I had to let go!
The number 7 in the bible represents divine perfection, totality, or completion. 2017 was a year where I had to be done with anything that was a distraction or not going to push me forward in life. 2017, wasn't a bad year but it was a year of changes I didn't expect, ask for, or want. However, the changes were so needed to put me in the place of peace I'm in now. In 2017, I was diagnosed with breast cancer for a 2nd time. This time however, the cancer had metastasized to my left lung and clavicle. My relationship with God took a huge hit in 2017, because of the cancer diagnosis. I was mad at God; I just could not understand why “it” had to be me.
God is always faithful but me on the other hand, not so much. I got so mad at God that I stopped seeking him. I no longer wanted to hear from him, so I would pray but I wouldn't be still long enough to hear him...I purposefully was ignoring and avoiding God. But God never stopped trying with me. He wrestled with me until I finally stopped fighting! He held on tight until I finally decided to open myself back up to him. One thing I know is that I'm called. God has always had a greater purpose and plan for my life, I'm not saying that he doesn't have that for the next person but there are certain people who are "the called" and I know that I'm one of those people. I say all this to say that God wasn't letting me go, no matter what I did to ignore him! What he did was show me that everything that I had experienced in life was for a purpose, including all 3 of my cancer diagnoses.
I’ve grown to understand that the change process is hard. However, change is necessary for growth and growth is necessary in order to get to your promised place. I really love the quote "every next level of your life requires a different you". I realized I couldn’t always be the same person and want to get to a different place in my life. If I had remained the same, I would keep repeating the same level over and over again until I learned the lesson and made the changes needed to progress. For a long time I thought I was waiting on God but the conclusion that I've come to is that God was really waiting on me. It was rough but I would not change what I've been through! I'm grateful for the forced self-reflection. We need to self-reflect sometimes. When we do we may find out that there's some stuff within that we need to get rid of so that God can fill us with what we need. I was comfortable in my pain but God is trying to take me to the next level of my life. Don't be your own worst enemy because you're too afraid to dig deeper. Conquer that "Lion" inside of you! Check out Sarah Jakes Roberts' sermon on being empty handed. It will blow your mind! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znc6dVYlbLE
I've always prayed for God to shape and mold me into the Godly woman he'd have me to be and I can see him doing that. He's stretching and changing me. He's healed my broken pieces. I no longer have to hide my pain because it no longer exists. Yes, what hurt me happened but it's not who I am and it doesn't define me. I will no longer hold on the pains of my past. I have a peace that surpasses all understanding and a joy that no one can take! I'm ready, willing, and able to move forward to my destiny.
Growth is getting to a place where you recognize that you no longer fit where you were. The choice is yours, and it's simple!
Luke 1:45 "Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!"
Walking in alignment with God! -T